培养孩子的五种方法
发布日期:2018-07-04 21:36
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The parenting skills in this article can make a big difference in raising children. Whether it’s kids or teenagers, this essential parenting advice can go a long way in the relationship between parents and children.

本篇文章中给出的教育孩子的方法,能在培养孩子方面为你带来很多帮助。不论是儿童还是青少年,这些基本的教育建议都能够在父母与子女间的关系中产生深远的影响。

 

#1 Create the Right Atmosphere

一、营造合适的环境

 

Sadhguru: Creating the necessary ambience is a large part of parenthood. You must create the right kind of atmosphere – a certain sense of joy, love, care and discipline both within yourself and in your home. The only thing that you can do to your child is to give him love and support. Create a loving atmosphere for him where intelligence will naturally flower. Achild looks at life pristinely. So you sit with him and look at life fresh, like he does. Your child need not do what you did in life. Your child should do something that you did not even have the courage to think about. Only then will this world progress and something happen.

萨古鲁:为孩子营造必要的环境,在养育孩子的过程中很重要。你必须营造合适的氛围,让孩子从你的内在和家庭中感受到喜悦、爱、关怀和纪律。你唯一能为孩子做的事情,就是给予他爱和支持。为孩子营造充满爱的环境,他的智慧自然会成长绽放。孩子用质朴纯真的眼光看世界,所以你和孩子在一起,用全新的眼光去看待生命,就像他一样。你的孩子无需做你在自己的人生中做过的事情,他应该去做一些你甚至连想都不敢想的事情。只有这样,这个世界才能进步。

 

A basic responsibility that humanity has to fulfill is to ensure that the next generation of human beings is at least one step ahead of you and me. It is extremely important that the next generation should live a little more joyfully, withless fear, less prejudice, less entanglement, less hatred, less misery. We must aim for this. Your contribution to the next generation should be that you don’t leave a brat in the world, you should leave a human being who is at least a little better than you.

人类肩负的基本责任,就是要让下一代人能至少比你我这一代人更进一步。下一代人应该活得比我们多一点喜悦,少一点恐惧、偏见、纠结、仇恨和痛苦。我们必须为实现这点而努力。你应该为下一代人做点贡献,不让孩子成为这个世界的捣蛋鬼,而是让孩子成为一个至少比你更好一些的人。

 

#2 Know What Your Child Needs

二、了解孩子的需求

 

Sadhguru: Some parents in their aspiration or ambition to make their children super-strong, have unnecessarily put their children through too much hardship. They want their children to become what they themselves could not become. In trying to fulfill their ambitions through their children, some parents have been extremely cruel to children. Other parents, believing that they are very loving to their children have over-pampered them and made them powerless and useless in the world.

萨古鲁:有些父母带着抱负和野心试图让孩子成为超级强者,让孩子经受了太多不必要的辛苦。这些父母想让孩子成为他们自己没能成为的样子,试图在孩子身上实现自己的抱负,对待孩子极度苛刻。还有一些父母,认为自己给予了孩子很多爱,却太过娇惯,让孩子变成无用之人。

 

Once, there was a yogi who belonged to a certain tradition called Kashmir Shaivism. This is one of the seven forms of yoga. It is a very powerful form, but it has mostly remained in the Kashmir area, so it acquired that name. One day, this yogi saw a cocoon which was slightly cracked, and the butterfly inside was really struggling to come out – the cocoon shell was too hard. Usually,the butterfly struggles constantly for almost forty-eight hours to come out of the cocoon. If it does not come out, it will die. The yogi saw this and out of his compassion he used his nail and opened the cocoon so that the butterfly could come free. But when it came out, it could not fly. It is that struggle to break out of the cocoon which empowers the butterfly to use its wings and fly. What is the use of a butterfly that cannot fly? A lot of people, in what they think is love for their children, have made their children like this. The children don’t fly in their life.

从前,有一位瑜伽士,他属于瑜伽七大派别之一“Kashmir Shaivism”,这种瑜伽派别非常强大,但是主要只存在于克什米尔地区,因此得了这个名字。一天,这个瑜伽士看到一只裂了一点儿缝的茧,茧中一只蝴蝶在奋力挣扎着出来,但是茧壳太过坚硬。通常,蝴蝶要持续挣扎整整两天才能破茧而出,如果两天它还出不来,就会死掉。瑜伽士看着这一幕,出于慈悲,他用指甲剥开了茧壳,让蝴蝶能自由飞翔。蝴蝶出来了,却无法起飞。原来,在茧的束缚中挣扎,才让蝴蝶的双翅获得了飞翔的力量。一只无法飞翔的蝴蝶有什么用呢?很多人以为自己给孩子的都是爱,却让孩子失去了飞翔的力量。

 

There is no standard rule for all children. Each child is different. It is a certain discretion. No perfect line can be drawn as to how much to do and not do. Different children may need different levels of attention, love and toughness. If you were to come and ask me while I am standing in the coconut garden, “How much should I water each plant?” I would say “A minimum of fiftyliters.” But if you go home and pour 50 liters for your rose plant, it will die. So you must see what kind of plant you have in your house.

养育孩子,没有一条通用法则,因为每个孩子都不一样。需要一点判断和变通,没有明确的法则告诉你该做什么不该做什么。不同的孩子需要不同程度的关注、爱和管束。如果在椰子园里你来问我该给每棵植物浇多少水,我会说至少要五十升。但是如果你回去之后真的给你的玫瑰浇50升水,你的玫瑰就死定了。所以你必须看清楚你的房子里养的是什么植物。

 

#3 Learn FromYour Child

三、向孩子学习

 

Sadhguru: Most adults assume that as soon as a child is born, it is time to become teachers. When a child enters your house, it is not the time to become a teacher, it is time to learn, because if you look at yourself and your child, your child is more joyous, isn’t it? So it is time you learn life from them, not the other way around. The only thing that you can teach your child – which you have to, to some extent – is how to survive. But when it comes to life itself, a child knows more about life experientially, by himself. He is life; he knows it. Even with you, if you take away the influences you have imposed upon your mind, your life energies know how to be. It is only your mind which doesn’t know how to be. An adult is capable of all kinds of sufferings – imagined sufferings. A child has still not gone to that. So it is time to learn, not teach. 

萨古鲁:多数成人会觉得孩子一出生,自己就该教育孩子了。其实,当孩子降临的时候,不是你教导孩子的时候到了,而是你向孩子学习的时候到了,你的孩子比你更快乐,难道不是吗?所以,那是该你学习的时候,而不是孩子向你学习。某种程度上,你能教给孩子的只有一件事,就是生存。但是当涉及到生命本身的时候,孩子凭他的体验就比你懂得更多。他就是生命,他知道生命。如果你把强加在头脑上的那些影响消除,你的生命能量就会知道该如何存在。不知道如何存在的,其实只有你的头脑。成年人能有五花八门的痛苦——臆想出的痛苦。一个孩子还不能。所以,孩子降生时,是你向他学习的时候到了,而不是你教导他的时候到了。

 

#4 Just Let Him Be

四、顺其自然

 

Sadhguru: If parents are truly concerned about their children, they must raise their children in such a way that the child will never have any need for the parent. The process of loving should always be a liberating process, not an entangling process. So when the child is born, allow the child to look around, spend time with nature and spend time with himself. Create an atmosphere of love and support and don’t try to impose your morals, ideas, religion or whatever in any way. Just allow him to grow, allow his intelligence to grow and help him look at life on his own terms, as a human being – not identified with the family, or your wealth or whatever else. Just helping him to look at life as a human being is very essential for his wellbeing and the wellbeing of the world. Always, the parent encouraging the child to learn to think for himself, to use his own intelligence to see what is best for him is the best insurance you have so that the child grows up well.

萨古鲁:如果父母是真的关心孩子的话,他们抚育孩子,最终应该是为了让他永远不会对父母有任何需求。爱应该是一个让其自由而非束缚的过程。当一个孩子降临在这个世界上的时候,请允许他环顾四周,允许他花一些时间与自然相处,与自己独处。请创造一个充满爱和支持的环境,不要尝试以任何方式灌输自己的道德、观点、宗教等。仅仅是让孩子成长,让他的智慧绽放,并且帮助他纯粹作为一个人去看待生命,而不认同于家庭、父母的财富或者其它事物。只是帮助孩子去以一个人类的身份去看待生命,这对于他和这个世界的幸福都是非常重要的。鼓励孩子去学着自己思考,学着运用自己的智慧来分辨什么最适合自己,这是父母为了孩子良好成长所能有的最好保证,永远如此。

 

#5 Be a Joyful, Peaceful Being

五、成为喜悦和平的存在

 

Sadhguru: If you want to bring up your child well, the first thing is, you should be happy. But you, by yourself do not know how to be happy. Every day in your house, when tension,anger, fear, anxiety and jealousy are the only things that are being demonstrated to your child, what is going to happen to him? He will obviously learn only these, isn’t it? If you really have the intention of bringing up your child well, you should change yourself to be a loving, joyous and peaceful being. If you are incapable of transforming yourself, where is the question of you bringing up your child?

萨古鲁:如果想好好抚育孩子,你首先要做的就是让自己变得快乐。但是你自己却不知道如何变得快乐。在你的家中,展现给孩子的只有紧张、愤怒、恐惧、焦虑和嫉妒,孩子会变成什么样呢?毫无疑问,他能学到的只有这些,难道不是吗?如果你真的想把孩子抚养好,你应该改变自己,让自己成为一个有爱、喜悦和平和的人。如果你连自己都不能转化,又如何去培养孩子?

 

If we really want to bring up our children well, first of all we must see if we can do something with ourselves. Everyone who wishes to be a parent must do one simple experiment. Let them sit down and see what is it that is not okay with their lives, and what would be good for their lives – not about the world outside, but about themselves. Something about yourself – your own behavior, speech, modes of action, and habits – if you can alter that in three months, then you would handle your child also with wisdom.

如果我们真想好好培养孩子,首先必须清楚,我们是否能在自己身上下点功夫。每个想为人父母的人必须坐下来,想想他们人生中哪些地方做得不好,要怎么做才好——不是关于外部世界,而是关于自己。关于你自己——你的言谈举止、行动模式,以及生活习惯——如果你能在三个月内改变,那么你就能用你的智慧培养好孩子。

 

Love&Grace,

Sadhguru

爱与恩典

萨古鲁

文章来源:isha.sadhguru.org/blog/lifestyle/relationships/parenting-advice-skills
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