Question: How do wedeal with it when a person who we thought would never let us down does let usdown?
Sadhguru: Theproblem is wrong assumptions. You are making assumptions about others, aboutyourself, and about creation. You got a little too romantic and thought therelationship happens by itself. Relationships need to be managed. The questionis, are you a good manager or not? Still, however good a manager you are,things can happen. About someone letting you down…You may have unrealistic expectationsabout people. I know the question is coming from a certain experience, and I amnot trying to belittle the pain. I know what it means to you as an individual.But at the same time, you need to understand that you came alone into thisworld, and you will go alone. You entered the relationship because you neededit.
No matter how muchdrama you create around it and what assumptions you make about therelationship, it is about trying to fulfill your needs. Whatever relationshipsyou have formed in your life, you have done so to fulfill your needs, be theyphysical, psychological, emotional, financial, social, or whatever else. If youkeep that in mind, you will approach your relationships with a certainhumility. If you get carried away by your own thoughts and emotions, you forgetabout the fundamentals ofthe relationship, and you forget to manage it well. That is whenthings can go wrong.
If you aredisillusioned with something or someone, it means you come to reality. This maysound cruel, but this is how life is. All people that we hold dear will go, orwe will go. Even if you hold hands and die together, you will still goseparately. These are your emotions. When you form a relationship with someone,it is an agreement between the two of you to help each other experience somesweetness of emotion.
As you mature, youneed to learn to keep your thoughts and emotions sweet by your own nature. Ifyour thoughts and emotions are pleasant, you can share them with other people.But if, without the other person, your thoughtsand emotions get bitter and unpleasant, if someone has to offerlife support every day, they will get tired. If others constantly have to keepyou happy and loving, it is a burden on them, and they may run away at somepoint. When they escape, you think it is betrayal. Again, these are all youremotions. In the larger context of existence, you are just a piece of life.
You are makingdeals and relationships with people for various purposes. This not only appliesto the relationship between husband and wife, but also relationships withbusiness partners, friends, children, parents, and so on. Always remember youhave entered the relationship to fulfill your needs. They may have entered therelationship for their needs, but that is not your business. Your business isto understand that they are valuable to your life.
They are addingvalue to who you are. When you are aware of that, you will manage therelationship in one way. If you think you are of great value to someone, youwill manage the relationship in another way, which may not allow it to lastlong. Or you may be doing all the right things and still it may go wrong. Whicheverway it is, it is your business to make yourselfinto a pleasant and wonderful piece of life. With or withoutsomeone, please make it happen.