当父母争吵时,你该怎么做?
发布日期:2018-04-24 13:37
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A young student asks Sadhguru about handling the difficult situation of being caught in the middle of parental fights. In response, Sadhguru offers some surprising, yet sage advice – be a smart ass! This punny wisdom applies not only to young ones, but to anyone struggling in relationships which have turned sour.

一位年轻的学生问萨古鲁该如何处理被夹在父母的争执之间的两难困境。作为回应,萨古鲁提供了一些令人惊讶又十分智慧的建议——做一头聪明的驴!这一语双关的智慧之言不仅适用于年轻人,也适用于任何在变质关系中苦苦挣扎的人。

 

Student: Some of us are caught in between the fights our parents are having, and unfortunately we have to choose between them. It is a very confusing situation. How can it be handled?

学生问:我们中有些人困于父母的争执中,并且很不幸地要在他们之间做出选择。这是一个很令人困惑的情景。该如何处理这样的事?

 

Sadhguru: Human relationships, as beautiful as they can be, can be the ugliest part of your life if you do not conduct them right. It is not always because we did something wrong. Most of the time, there is no substance, but it gathers so much significance that people fall apart and ugly things happen.

萨古鲁:人类间的关系,虽然能变得十分美丽,但你若不正确地经营,它也能变成你生命中最丑陋的部分。这并不总是因为我们犯了什么错。大多数时候,关系中并非有什么实质性的问题,但那些小矛盾会被无限放大,于是人们分道扬镳,丑陋的事情随之发生。

 

None of these people are fighting for a kingdom. They are fighting for little things. Unfortunately, these fights for little things can get so ugly and can make everyone’s life around ugly.

这些人并不是在为国而战。他们不过是在为一些鸡毛蒜皮的事而争执不休。不幸的是,这些无关紧要的争执会变得极其丑陋,也让所有人周围的一切变得丑陋。

 

They came together with enormous love, affection and longing but it has turned out like this. If you witness such things so early in your life, instead of getting tangled up in it, you must understand and make up your mind that this is not how you are going to conduct your life.

他们因浓厚的爱、感情和深深的渴求而结合,最终却变成这样。如果你在很小的时候就目睹了这种事,你必须理解事实并下定决心绝不重蹈覆辙,而不是纠缠其中。

 

The Porcupine Predicament

"箭猪困境"

 

This is not just about husband and wife. In any relationship, if the other person does something – even unknowingly – you become like a porcupine. I use the word “porcupine” because I have had a close encounter with a porcupine.

这不仅仅关乎夫妻。在任何关系中,如果一方做了些什么——甚至只是无意的——你就会变得像头箭猪。我用“箭猪”这个词,是因为我曾和一头箭猪有过近距离接触。

 

A lot of nastiness is happening. If we rise above that, we will become successful human beings.

许多丑陋之事在一直发生着。如果我们能超越其上,我们就会成为成功的人类。

 

I was in a narrow cave exploring the place and I got trapped with both my hands stuck. There was a porcupine in the cave that got wild with me and turned around and started charging me. I wasn’t able to crawl back because my hands were stuck. They raise a lot of dust when they charge, so I wanted to close my eyes because he was throwing dust in my face, but I wanted to keep my eyes open because I wanted to see where the quills are coming! Fortunately, it turned out to be only a mock charge.

有一次我到了一个狭窄的山洞中,想探索一下那里,却被困其中,双手也被卡住。山洞里有头箭猪被激怒,转过身就开始攻击我。我无法原路爬回去,因为我的手卡住了。它们发动攻击时扬起漫天沙尘,所以我想闭上眼睛,因为它正在朝我脸上扬沙子;但我又想要睁着眼睛,因为我要留意刺会从何而来!幸运的是,最后发现这只是一场示威。

 

The porcupine is an appropriate example for these quarrels at home. Initially, they blister their thorns and they try to mock charge. Somewhere, after a few mock charges, it loses control and then it turns into real poking.

用箭猪来类比家庭中的这些争执再合适不过。一开始,他们竖起他们身上的刺来示威。不知怎的,几番挑衅过后,事情失去控制,变成了真正的争执。

 

When other people say ugly things to you or make nasty accusations about you and sometimes do nasty things to you, to look beyond that and walk gracefully in your life takes a certain sense within yourself. You should bring this sense rather than getting into the turmoil of whatever nastiness is happening in the country, the community or the family. A lot of nastiness is happening. If we rise above that, we will become successful human beings.

当其他人对你恶言相向甚或对你做一些龌龊的事时,要你超越这些并优雅地行走人生,需要一定的内在意识。你应该带着这种觉知而不是陷入这些在家庭、社区或国家中所发生的混乱里。许多丑陋之事在一直发生着。如果我们能超越其上,我们就会成为成功的人类。

 

Somebody says something nasty because something nasty is happening within him. You cannot spit out something nasty unless something nasty is happening within you. If somebody spits out something nasty, they need your love, compassion or distance. Initially, you try love. If it does not work, compassion. If it does not work, distance. But do not get into the spiral of that nastiness because there is no end to it. It will suck you in. I have seen so many brilliant people with wonderful capabilities getting into the spiral of nasty relationships and going down the chute.

有人说出难听的话,是因为它们内在混乱不堪。只有当你内在混乱不堪,你才会说出难听的话。如果有人恶语相向,他们需要你的关爱、慈悲或距离。首先,你试着去爱。如果这不管用,便给予慈悲。如果还不管用,就与他们保持距离。但是不要以牙还牙,因为这永无止境。那会把你拖下水。我见过许多优秀的人,能力卓越,却陷于糟糕的人际纷争中,江河日下。

 

When you are still young, what is happening with your parents may be a big issue. But every generation had parents. After some time, you will see that what they do and what they do not do does not affect your life. You will grow beyond that. Right now, if your parents are offering you the opportunity that you grow beyond this very quickly, please make use of this opportunity! It does not matter what comes towards you, you must make it a stepping stone to stand on.

当你还很小的时候,你父母身上发生了什么或许事关重大。但每一代人都有父母。过了一段时间,你就会发现他们的所作所为完全不会影响到你的生活。你会成长,超越这一切。现在,如果你父母向你提供了这个迅速成长的机会,请好好利用!无论你遭遇了什么,你必须使它成为前行的助力。

 

A Smart Ass

一头聪明的驴

 

You know, there was a smartass. It so happened, Shankaran Pillai had an old donkey. It had become very old, so he was trying to sell it, but nobody wants to buy an old donkey. Then, one day in the morning, the donkey was braying piteously because it had fallen into an open well which was dry. The terrified donkey kept making ugly noises, wanting to come out. Shankaran Pillai’s friends and neighboring farmers came and looked at this. They said, “This is a useless, old donkey. What is the point? Anyway we told you a long time ago that you must close this dry well. Let’s close it with the donkey inside.”

要知道,从前有一头聪明的驴。事情是这样的,Shankaran Pillai有一头老驴。它已年老体衰,于是他试图卖了它,但是没人想要买一头老驴。接着,某天早上,老驴掉进了一口敞开的枯井,凄惨地叫着。惊恐的老驴不断地发出难听的声音,想要出来。Shankaran Pillai的朋友和附近的农夫前来围观。他们说:“这是头毫无用处的老驴。有什么必要救它上来呢?我们早就和你说过你得把这口枯井盖上。我们一起盖上井盖,让这头驴在里面自生自灭吧。”

 

What other people did to you is not the question. “What have you done to yourself?” is the big question. You must do the best. Be a smart ass.

其他人对你做了什么不是关键。“你对你自己做了什么?”才是个大问题。你必须做到最好。做头聪明的驴。

 

So they started putting basketfuls of mud into the well. As every basketful fell on the donkey, the donkey shook off the mud and stood on top of it. Like this, as they threw mud, it started coming up. They were surprised, “Wow! This is a really smart ass!” As they threw more and more mud, he just came up, up, up – and he walked out. Shankaran Pillai really loved this intelligent donkey now. He tried to go and hug the donkey, but the donkey turned around, kicked him in the face, and trotted away. You be the donkey, okay.

于是他们开始一篮篮地往井里填土。每当一篮子土盖到驴子身上,驴子就甩开这些土,站在土上面。就像这样,随着他们不断地添土,驴开始上来了。他们惊呆了。“哇!这是一头超级聪明的驴!”随着他们加入越来越多的土,它就不断向上、向上、向上——最后从井里走了出来。Shankaran Pillai现在真是爱上这头机智的驴了。他想要上前拥抱这头驴,但驴儿背过身,朝他脸上一踢,跑了。你得学学这头驴,好吧?

 

It does not matter what life throws at you, you shake it off and stand on that. Every experience in our life should make us better, richer. We do not look for sweet experiences. Whatever comes our way, we make it a basis for our growth, maturity and wellbeing. You can never decide what the world will throw at you, but what you make out of it is one hundred percent yours, always. You must make the best out of everything that comes towards you.

不管生活把什么东西扔向你,你都要把它甩下来,站在上面。生活中的每一段经历都应使我们变得更好、更富足。我们不寻求甜蜜的经历。无论我们遭遇什么,我们都让它成为我们成长、成熟和幸福的基石。你永远不能决定世界会如何对待你,但你对如何利用这些事件有绝对的掌控权。你必须最大程度的利用所有发生在你身上的事。

 

If a lot of ugly incidents happen in your life when you are young, you must become wiser than everyone else. But most people choose to become wounded. You cannot carry your wounds anywhere. When you die, you leave the body, so you cannot carry it like a badge. Most people are carrying their wounds like a badge – “You know what happened to me?” Whatever the hell happened to you, what have you done with yourself? This is the only question. What other people did to you is not the question. “What have you done to yourself?” is the big question. You must do the best. Be a smart ass.

如果你年幼时就遭遇了许多丑陋的事,你必须变得比所有人都更智慧。但许多人选择变得伤痕累累。你不能到哪儿都带着你的伤痕。当你死去,你会离开你的身体,所以你不能像戴着勋章一样带着它。许多人像戴着勋章般带着他们的伤痕——“你可知道我曾遭遇了什么?”不管你遭遇了什么,你对自己做了什么?这是唯一的问题。其他人对你做了什么不是关键。“你对你自己做了什么?”才是个大问题。你必须做到最好。做头聪明的驴。

 

Love&Grace,

Sadhguru

爱与恩典

萨古鲁

文章来源:isha.sadhguru.org/blog/lifestyle/relationships/when-parents-quarrel-what-do-you-do
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