离婚对一个人的安全感影响有多大?
发布日期:2018-07-22 20:26
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Question: Here in the US, we are affected so much by divorce, and you have mentioned previously that there are big consequences to separating two people. How can we address the consequences of a divorce that has already happened? And how can we educate people to care for each other better?

问:在美国,我们深受离婚的影响,你之前提到将两个人分离会产生重大后果。如果已经离婚,我们如何处理它带来的后果?我们又该如何教导人们让他们更加在乎对方呢?

 

Sadhguru: A husband came home one day, and the next day was his wife’s birthday. He said, “Honey, what do you want for your birthday? A BMW, a mink coat, or a yacht?” She said, “I don’t want any of those things – I want a divorce.” So he said, “I was not thinking of anything that expensive.” A lot of people do not see divorce as a bad thing. Their ideas of freedom are only getting them into deeper and deeper entanglement. Probably nowhere else in the world, women have as much physical freedom as American women have. But probably nowhere else in the world, women are as tense, nervous, and agitated as women are in America.

萨古鲁:一天,一位丈夫回到家,第二天是他妻子的生日。他说:“亲爱的,你生日想要什么?一辆宝马车、一件貂皮大衣还是一艘游艇呢?”妻子说:“那些我都不想要,我想要离婚。”他说:“我还真没想到你要那么贵的东西。”很多人并不把离婚当作一件坏事。他们的自由观念只是让他们陷进越来越深的纠缠当中。在这世界上恐怕没有任何一个地方的女性拥有像美国女性那样的人身自由。可也许世上也没有任何一个地方的女性会像美国女性那样紧张和烦躁不安。

 

An Idea of Freedom

一个关于自由的观念

 

This is not freedom. This is only an idea of freedom, which is not going well. This definitely does not mean to say we should go back to those tyrannical days where women were exploited. It is just that you should have a more mature idea of freedom – something that will work. An idea is worthwhile only if it works and produces results. If it is breaking people and half the population is on anti-depressants, it is obviously not working. It does not matter how educated and intellectual you think you are, still emotion is a strong dimension of who you are. When emotions arise, they become the most powerful thing in you. Your thoughts are not that powerful. Even if pleasant emotions are not that strong, at least anger, fear, and anxiety are – these are all emotions gone bad.

这不是自由。这只是一种关于自由的观念,而且它并不奏效。当然不是说我们应该回到过去压迫女性的专制暴戾的日子。只是你应该有一个更加成熟的、会奏效的自由观念。只有奏效、能产生好结果的观念才有价值。如果它正在摧毁人或者一半的人都在对抗抑郁,很显然这个观念不奏效。不管你认为自己受过多好的教育或者多有才智,情感依旧是你很强的一个维度。当情感升起时,它们成为了你最强烈有力的部分。你的思维没有那样强烈。即使愉悦的情感也没有那样强烈,可愤怒、恐惧、焦虑却非常强烈有力——这些都是变坏了的情感。

 

Not only is it important to work towards financial security, but society should work towards emotional security as well. That is missing in the US right now – not just for women, even for men.

社会也应该在“情感保障”方面努力,而不只是在经济保障方面努力。这一点在美国是缺失的,不仅对女性,甚至对男性也是如此。

 

If you are free of emotion, you can ignore what I am saying now. But when emotion is an important part of your life and you ignore this, you will only suffer. Whether you work somewhere, do business, or marry a rich man – somehow you find a way to take care of your physical survival. But even if the physical survival is happening very well, if you are well-fed and well taken care of – let’s say you have a BMW, a mink coat, and a yacht – still if your emotions are trampled upon, you cannot remain there. So, not only is it important to work towards financial security, but society should work towards emotional security as well. That is missing in the US right now – not just for women, even for men. This is one reason why America will go down economically – because there is no emotional security.

如果你已摆脱了情绪,你可以忽略我现在所说的。但当情感还是你生命中非常重要的一部分,而你却忽略这一点时,你必定会受苦。无论你在哪里工作、或者做生意或者嫁给了有钱人,总之你找到了某种方法来保障你的物质生存。但就算是物质生活被照顾得很好,比如你有一辆宝马车、一件貂皮大衣、一艘游艇,如果你的情感受到了伤害,你的生活也会受影响。所以社会也应该在“情感保障”方面努力,而不只是在经济保障方面努力。这一点在美国是缺失的,不仅对女性,甚至对男性也是如此。这是为什么美国经济会下行的原因之一——因为没有情感保障。

 

Right now, the community that does best in the universities of the United States is the Indian community, next comes the Jewish community. Why is that? It is just that they have emotional security. Until they are 25 years of age, till they finish university, everything is taken care of for them. They do not have to fight for anything. Parents are committed to their children, and children are committed to them in turn. They do not have to handle any other aspect of life. That is not so with American children. By the time they finish university, they have already seen three boyfriends or six girlfriends – with all the emotional upheavals, jealousies, problems, and struggles. Before they stand up on their feet, they have seen too much life, which is making them incapable.

如今,在美国大学中表现得最好的学生群体是印度群体,其次是犹太群体。为什么会那样?只是因为他们有情感保障。他们25岁大学毕业之前,所有的事情都被照顾得很好。他们不需要去争夺任何东西。父母对子女尽心尽力,相应的子女也对父母有承诺。他们不需要去处理生活的其他任何方面的事情。而美国孩子的情况却不是这样。大学毕业前,他们就已经交往过三个男朋友或者六个女朋友,伴随着情感的激变、嫉妒、问题和挣扎。在他们能自力更生前,已经经历过太多,让他们无力面对。

 

What happens in the university need not determine everything, but it indicates that they are not performing well. If you randomly pick people anywhere in the US, at least 8 out of 20 do not do anything productive. The main reasons for that are the emotional upheavals that they go through from the age of 12 or 13, when they are dealing with things that they are not old enough to deal with. As a result, no one has any emotional security.

大学里所发生的不决定一切,但它表明了他们表现得并不佳。如果你在美国随机挑选一些人,20个人当中至少有8个是无所事事的。其主要的原因是当他们在12或13岁时就经历了情绪的激变,在他们不够成熟的时候就在面对那个年龄无法面对的事情。所以没人有任何情感保障。

 

Today, someone claims they love you; tomorrow morning they may go away with someone else. This fear, both in men and women, will not let them focus on doing anything. In the Indian business community, by the time the boy is 21 and the girl is 18, they are married. They still go to the university, but they are married and committed to each other. By the time they are 23 or 24, they are into serious business, and their life is very secure. They are bound for life – there are no two ways about it. There is no way that you even have to think whether your wife will be there when you go home. Such a thing does not occur to you because it is total commitment. Just that one area of life being absolutely secure gives you the ability to do something. When the man is afraid of what will happen when he goes out, he cannot be productive. When the woman is afraid that the man may not come back when he goes out, she cannot be productive.

今天,有人宣称爱你,明天早上他就可能随他人而去。有这种恐惧,不管是是男人还是女人,都无法专注在任何事上。在印度商业群体中,当男孩21岁、女孩18岁时,他们就会结婚。结婚后他们可以继续上大学,但他们已结成伴侣,并对彼此有承诺。当他们到23岁或24岁时,他们就正式开始做生意,生活就非常有保障。他们的连结是一辈子的——没有第二种可能。你根本不用想你回家时妻子是否还在那儿。你根本不会冒出这种想法,因为彼此的承诺是绝对的。就因为生命的这个方面完全安定,你就有能力去做其他事情。当一个男人害怕他出门之后家里会发生什么,他是无法有所作为的。当一个女人害怕他的丈夫也许出门后就不再回家,她也是无法有所作为的。

 

How Much Does Emotional Security Matter?

情感保障有多重要?

 

Emotional security is an extremely important aspect for any human being and for any society to flourish. Unfortunately, due to a juvenile concept of freedom, we have lost this emotional security. That way, we are making people incapable of many things. There may be a percentage of the population who are strong enough to anyway go ahead and do things, but the majority become unstable. They are always afraid what will happen if they do something wrong. Let’s say you were supposed to go on a holiday this weekend but you could not because you had something to do, you may get a divorce notice on Monday morning.

情感保障是人类和社会繁荣昌盛异常重要的一部分。不幸的是,因为幼稚的自由观,我们失去了这种安全保障。如此一来,人们丧失了做很多事情的能力。也许有一定比例的人群足够强大,他们无论如何都可以继续前行,做出一番事情,但是大多数的人会因此变得不稳定。他们总是害怕如果他们做错事会带来怎样的后果。比如这个周末你们本该去度假,然而因为其他的事情你无法去了,周一早上你就可能会收到离婚通知书。

 

A certain sense of emotional fulfillment is needed for human beings to function beautifully in life. Otherwise they cannot – unless they have transcended these things and it does not matter to them anymore. 

只有人类的情感得到一定的满足,他们才能在生活中良好运转,否则就不行——除非他们已经超越了这些东西,它们对他们来说已经不再重要。

 

This may not be true in every home, but it is happening on a large scale. It is no more an individual but a social problem in the United States. Such problems are there in every society for a few individuals, but when it becomes a major social problem, when lots of people are facing similar issues, we have to see how to strengthen their emotional life. Without that, people cannot lead productive lives. Many couples come to our programs. If the husband or wife feels a little insecure, the first thing that will happen is that they do not want the other one to meditate. “What are you doing with your eyes closed?” It is just ridiculous. You are not running away – you are just closing your eyes. But this is the danger – once you close your eyes, you can go anywhere.

也许不是每个家庭都是这样,但是它正在大范围发生。在美国这已经不是个人问题而是社会问题。每个社会里都有一些人有这样的问题,但是当它成为了社会问题,当太多人面对着相似的问题,我们就必须想想该如何强化他们的情感生活。否则人们就无法过上充实高效的生活。很多夫妻来参加我们的课程,如果一个丈夫或妻子有一丝不安全感,第一件会发生的事情就是他们不愿意另一半去冥想。“你闭上眼睛做什么?”这太可笑了。你又没有跑掉——你只是闭上了眼睛。但那就是危险之处——当你闭眼时,你可以去任何地方。

 

It is very important that a culture of commitment is brought back. The people who built the United States from scratch had stable lives. Without that, they could not have built this into a great nation because no man or woman can be truly productive when their emotions are all freaked out. A certain sense of emotional fulfillment is needed for human beings to function beautifully in life. Otherwise they cannot – unless they have transcended these things and it does not matter to them anymore. If someone has reached that place in his life, then nothing matters.

“承诺”文化应该回归,这很重要。那些从零开始建设美国的人拥有着稳定的生活,否则他们无法建设这个伟大的国家,因为当情绪陷入恐慌时,没有任何人可以真正有所作为。只有人类的情感得到一定的满足,他们才能在生活中运行良好,否则就不行——除非他们已经超越了这些事情,这对他们来说已经不再重要。如果一个人在生命中已经达到了那个境界,那么一切都不重要了。

 

Option #2!

选项二!

 

One of these things must happen to people – either they must become meditative, or they must have emotional security. Right now, with all the freedom they have, people are not having a good life. They are leading desperate lives. In the name of freedom, you have removed all the stop signs – that is how people live their lives. It is like the Indian road scene is happening to the American emotion. Everyone is going somewhere, no one knows where they are going – the only thing is they have to be free. In the name of freedom, you lose all structures that keep you on track.

人们必须拥有这两者中的一种——要么他们必须冥想,要么他们必须有情感保障。现在,人们拥有了所有的自由,却没能拥有美好的生活。他们在过着绝望的生活。以自由的名义,你移除了所有的限制 ——那是人们生活的方式。美国人的情绪就好像印度的公路场景(一样无序)。每个人都往前冲,但没有人知道他们要去哪儿——唯一重要的就是他们必须有自由。以自由的名义,你失去了所有让你保持在正轨上的构架。

 

If creating emotional security is not possible, the only way out is to make people meditative because it will take care of several aspects – it will settle the emotions, people will progress spiritually, and their brains will also work better.

如果不可能创造情感保障,那么唯一的方法就是让人们冥想,因为它会照顾到很多方面——它会让情绪稳定,让他们在灵性方面有所成长,他们的大脑也会运转得更好。

 

Love&Grace,

Sadhguru

爱与恩典

萨古鲁

文章来源:isha.sadhguru.org/global/en/wisdom/article/how-much-does-divorce-impact-emotional-security
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